It’s Time To Talk About Your Divorce:
A blog about how to prepare, what to expect, and coping advice for the most difficult time in people’s lives.
It’s Time To Talk About Divorce, Now What?
It’s time. Now what? This can be a very scary thing to think about but you need to consider how you are going to approach it. If you and your spouse have been separated for some time, or if the separation has become permanent, then the discussion won’t be fun but how you bring up that topic can set the tone for your future. Be sure. Do your research. Pick the right setting.
Don’t bring up divorce during a fight and never do so in front of the children/anyone else who might overhear the conversation. Yes, talk in person if possible, but don’t do this over the phone or via text message (assuming you are still talking civilly with them).
Divorce is never easy. After you bring up the topic of separation or divorce with your spouse, it’s paramount that you take time to think about the entire discussion and what it means for your future as a couple. You might think you have an idea of how the discussion will go. In some cases, you would be on target but in many cases, one person doesn’t realize his or her spouse is thinking about certain things or is afraid of certain things.
The best thing to do is ensure you have calmed down before starting this conversation so you are ready and willing to listen to your spouse’s concerns as well as resolve them.
How To Talk With Your Children
Be a parent, not a friend. When the topic of divorce comes into play, it’s common for couples to fight over custody of the children. Be clear about what you and your spouse need from parenting and be honest about what you feel is best for your children. Don’t take sides; instead, in a proactive manner, present an idea or suggestion that’s open to change. Ensure that both parties agree on one meeting place where the conversation can take place without interruption.
It’s not easy to talk with your children about separation and divorce but if you are going to do it, there are some important steps you should follow:
1. Tell them ahead of time that you want to talk about an important topic.
2. Let them know that you love them no matter what.
3. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns.
4. Answer their questions and listen carefully to their responses.
5. Ask them what they think or feel about the topic from their point of view.
Take Time To Process Your Emotions And Questions First Then Talk With Your Spouse Again
Divorce is hard no matter the situation. There isn’t a right or wrong way to handle situations during a divorce, just parts that are harder than others. Talking with your spouse when you are hurt is hard and can make both parties angry again. Taking time to process your emotions before talking with your spouse again will allow you to be more productive in the conversation.
Your first task will likely be to contact a lawyer, although meeting with a divorce mediator may be helpful first to see if you and your spouse can work out an agreement and come to some amicable decisions before a formal divorce is necessary.
Divorce is never easy. Even when there is an opportunity to work out some sort of agreement between spouses, it’s nearly impossible to see eye to eye and agree on everything. The spouse who initiates the divorce process should be aware that they are opening an entire can of worms—getting a divorce usually means that you will have to deal with spousal support and looking for the best child custody lawyer.
If you are going through a divorce now, or are considering getting a divorce, it’s important you know how your divorce is going to affect your finances, not just in the present but for the future as well.
The process of divorce is further complicated by the fact that many people don’t really understand how it works. It may be tempting to try and solve some complications with money or a DIY divorce, but in doing this you could be putting your future at risk. It’s important to take the time to do some research and see what resources are available to you, whether that is a highly recommended family law lawyer, a divorce mediator, or a certified divorce financial analyst. Taking care of things correctly now can greatly impact your future, in terms of both stress and your finances.